BLT #36 | Does asking for help feel awkward?

In our line of work, there are times when everyone we support is going through different experiences and challenges. And then there are times when it feels like nearly everyone we're working with is going through something eerily similar.

The latter is what's happening today, and it's all revolving around asking for help. So many people are struggling in the current market (by "so many", we mean nearly everyone), and they know they could benefit from friends, colleagues, and their broader network's support. But something stops them from asking for help, and we dug deeper to find out why.

WE BELIEVE:

Most of us fall into the trap of "returning the favor."

Reciprocity is the act of "returning the favor" when someone does something for you. Generally speaking, it's a good thing: we have a collective desire to help each other out and offer our support, resources, or time to better those around us.

But in talking to folks over the last few weeks, it's become clear that this desire actually gets in our way when we need help the most. Why? Because most of us have an instinct to do something of equal or similar "value" in return for the help we received.

Here's a quick example:
Imagine you ask someone for an introduction to a person in their network. They graciously agree. When you say thanks, you probably say something to the effect of: "Thank you so much! If there's anyone in my network that I could introduce you to, let me know!"

Why do we do this? It usually comes from a place of fear: we don't want someone to think that we're mooching or taking advantage of them. By offering up a favor in return that is of equal or greater "value," it gives us a (albeit, false) sense that we're worthy of the help we're receiving. But here's the truth: This social construct is holding us back.

SOMETHING WE LOVE:

‍
‍"If you can't return the favor, pass it on."

- Louise Brown*

*We'll be honest; we had a hard time verifying which Louise Brown actually said this quote, but the essence was too good to not include it.

YOU SHOULD TRY:

Getting out of the reciprocity rut.

Next time you want to ask someone for help, pause and pre-game how you might "return the favor." Remember, what you give back to someone does not need to be the same as what you received in the first place.

Here's a few ideas:

• An intentional, thoughtful thank you | Often, this is more than enough. Tell someone how their support impacted you and what it unlocked for you. Specificity goes a long way here.
  
• Something out of the blue | Don't under estimate the power of a little surprise and delight. Maybe send them the book you were telling them about, share a recipe you think they'd like, or show them an article about something you know they're passionate about. The goal here is to show that you really see this person and you've taken time to think about something they might really appreciate.
  
• Pay it forward | If there isn't something super obvious you can do in return for someone, just acknowledge it. You could say: "Thank you again for reviewing that presentation of mine. You have such a knack for strong messaging and your input really helped me tighten up my pitch. I'm going to take these ideas you shared with me and share them with the rest of the team, too. I think we can all up-level our presentations because of your feedback."

It's a wild world out there right now, and we've got to stick together. If you're looking for more support in your career but finding it difficult to ask for help, let's connect. We can help you feel more confident navigating the ebbs and flows of your career.